whisper

you whisper in my ear
i strain to hear what you say
i can almost decipher your coded message
i'm so tired of trying
the ease of listening to the noise of the world
entices me
i succumb once again to the meaningless
i close my ears and harden my heart
i am bored with life
i know where true life is found
yet i resist
i know that in the darkness
i will call upon your light
and you will be there
you are always there, waiting
a fool waiting for the one who scorns him
yet you are no fool
you will not be ignored forever
i claim too much power
my pride is too strong
who am i to think that i am in control of you
i can barely control myself
why do i resist you
why do i fight every move you make to save me
your whisper is becoming more faint
the noise is growing so strong...

i was thinking tonight about how different God is from humans. i was eating raisin bran and i thought "i LOVE raisin bran". and as i was enjoying my raisin bran, i was thinking about how great it is that God gives us these gifts all day, every day. he didn't have to make food taste good. it's not necessary to our survival. then i looked down at my dog and thought about how much i loved him, and if you start thinking about things like raisin bran and your dog, you just have to praise this God who cares more about us than we can even imagine. the more i thought about this, the more i liked God. liked him. not loved him because he gave me life and sustains my life and sent his son, etc. but liked him for who he is. he's someone i want to spend time with. and then i was thinking about my "first love", my daughter's father. i was 14 the first time i saw him. and from the moment i saw him, i loved him. "love" meaning i couldnt think about anything else and i could see no wrong when i looked at him...i gave him automatic love, without even really knowing him, without him even asking for it, i just gave it to him. then i got to know him and i thought about him, just like i was thinking about God tonight. but the outcome was so different. the more i thought about him, the less i liked him. eventually it got to the point that i completely loved him but i didnt like him at all. i am so excited that the more i get to know God, the more i like him. : )

Isaiah 52:1-2

This is what I got from Isaiah 52:1-2 one night...it's not gramatically correct, sorry about that...first draft material (i rarely edit) : )

Awake, Awake Zion, clothe yourself with strength...
You have a strength within, capable of moving mountains, look for it, own it, you are stronger than you know.

Put on your garments of splendor, Jerusalem the holy city...
Do not hide. Do not back down. Let yourself be seen. You Are Beautiful.

The uncircumcised and defiled will not enter you again...
What you have done, what you have experienced is in your past. It is OVER. You are NOT defined by the actions taken against your beauty.

Shake off your dust; rise up, sit enthroned, Jerusalem...
Now is the time, now is your time. Pick yourself UP from the ashes. Your FATHER is calling your name. He sees you lying in the dirt and he is CALLING you. RISE UP, daughter. You will NOT lay in the dirt again. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. I will not defile you. I will not betray you. I SEE YOU and I love you.

Free yourself from the chains on your neck, Daughter Zion, now captive...
FREE YOURSELF. You have spent TOO long, living with these heavy, rusty, filthy chains on your neck. They do not belong to you. Give them to me. I will bear your burden. You are now FREE.

Worlds Apart

The alarm sounds and our day begins
the dog is laying on the floor and I trip over him, stub my toe
my daughter is watching the smurfs instead of getting ready for school
i don't have time for breakfast, again
we are stuck behind six tractor trailers, creeping slowly up the hill
oh great, now a school bus, i'm going to be late for work again
voice mails greet me when I finally arrive at the office
phone calls and emails and piles of paperwork
i pray for God to help me through one more day
it's almost too much for one person to handle...

She wakes before the sun rises
walks about a mile to fill her bucket with water
back to her house to prepare rice for her children's breakfast
she walks the mile again to wash her children's clothing so that they have something to wear for school
the children wake, eat their rice and walk with their mother, 11 miles, to school
when she returns, she works the field, gathering vegtables from her garden
she walks to the market so that she can try to sell her vegtables
she walks to her children's school
they, again, walk through the tall grasses, behind a checkpoint that they are not supposed to pass
she knows if they are seen, they will be killed
she thanks God for one more day and prays that He will help them through
it's almost too much for one person to handle...

Flour

I am typically more comfortable with written communication than verbal (hence being involved in Reflective Souls), so I am sharing my flour experience here instead of last night. The outcome is not unusual for me, as simple things tend to ridiculously lead me to more serious topics...I was actually a bit relieved when the time was up because I didn't want to think about it anymore!! but anyway, here it is ...



in my fingernails

flour (yes, I knew right away) : )

baking

sandy

beach

disapears with touch

rubs away

less and less

till nothing left

once so beautiful

once so fun

so innocent

touching touching touching

robbed

stolen

(given)

nothing left

missing that first touch

remembering how it felt

never again

never the same

memories

not wanting to remember

not able to forget...





So now as I analyze what I wrote, I think that my mind went to that place because of where I am in life right now...and sometimes it still pains me to think about where I was before...I could go on, but I'm feeling too vulnerable right now so I'm just going to sheepishly back away ...



Thanks for a great group last night...I really enjoyed spending time with each of you!

: )