what happens after too much nick jr.

well, now...it's been a while.

i feel like i've been living in a hole and i've finally poked my head out. like the groundhog. i'm saying it's no more weeks of winter. no more minutes of winter. i've had enough. weather winter and emotional winter. hmmmm, no it hasn't even been winter emotionally. it's been like hibernation. no, that's not it either. forget the weather. it's just a hole. i'm in a hole and i see the people that live in my hole and i do the things that you can do in a hole and i've even ventured out from my hole at times but everything is about the hole and the hole calls and the people that live in the hole come with me when i leave the hole so it's not like i am even really leaving the hole and even when i am out of the hole i feel like i should be in the hole because that is who i am now.

right. i guess i am saying that i am still getting used to this stay-at-home momma thing. i love it, i don't want to not be doing it. i'm looking for balance. i want to be the super great mom and also be a super great something other than mom. or not even super great. how about fulfilled something other than mom? or maybe i need to find a whole different outlook. maybe i need to see the super great mom as the important responsibility that it is. well, then i will just get overwhelmed and claim my resume does not find me qualified for the job. does that leave daddy in charge? uh-oh. pb&j every day! guess i better just spend more time in prayer than in front of the tv. what is monetize? oh, i see. ads. hm. so, i guess the problem is that i really want to start writing again as a way to find my inner super great/ fulfilled something other than mom, but my every day material is pretty mom-like. i can always dig deep into the depths of my past but then people think i'm depressed and become all concerned about me. i could write about flowers and beetles and sunsets. i really don't even like flowers. i do think it's pretty cool that my mom put some food coloring in a vase of dandelions that haven't opened yet and apparently they will become red now instead of yellow. that's sweet. but i don't know what rhymes with dandelions. the good news is that during the whole time i've typed this little mess i have heard no crying at all. god is good. i'll have to try this again tomorrow...